Jo's Photos, a set on Flickr.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Be Still And Know...
My life normally travels at a speed of about 110 miles per hour. I spend the majority of my life in my car, shuttling from one place to another and my calendar always looks as though several pens of different colors exploded all over it. With a husband and kids, a job, a volunteer position, a dog and a cat, it's a wonder I ever manage to take a shower, let alone find time for just me (and no, time in the bathroom with kids banging on the door shouting questions does NOT count).
But recently, due to two surgeries in a span of a month, I found myself forced to spend time recovering. In bed. Off my feet. Completely. During this time I realized something. Not only do I not know how to be still, I don't really like to be still. I've spent so much time telling myself that when I can just find the time to be still I'll read my Bible more, learn how to listen to G-d, work on that novel I started... You can fill in the blank with about any altruistic goal and I've probably said I'm going to do it--when I find the time. Yet when I was finally confronted with nothing but uninterrupted time, it nearly killed me. I could not stand being still. I found countless little activities to fill the time. I read books, I organized my photos, I watched television. I even played video games!
Now, none of these things are bad in moderation. Some of them are even worthwhile. But the point is that I was doing them to avoid the silence. I was filling each and every moment with something, anything but time spent alone with myself and G-d. What is it about silence that's so frightening? Why is it so hard to just be still, to reflect and to listen for G-d's direction?
It could be argued that, given the fact that I was in a bit of a perscription-pain-killer induced fog, no major life decisions should have been made based on any epiphanies I might have had during that time. I'll grant that. But if I had spent even a little of that time reflecting on my life and listening for that still small voice, perhaps I would have gained some unexpected insight. The point is, I'll never know until I learn to be still.
But recently, due to two surgeries in a span of a month, I found myself forced to spend time recovering. In bed. Off my feet. Completely. During this time I realized something. Not only do I not know how to be still, I don't really like to be still. I've spent so much time telling myself that when I can just find the time to be still I'll read my Bible more, learn how to listen to G-d, work on that novel I started... You can fill in the blank with about any altruistic goal and I've probably said I'm going to do it--when I find the time. Yet when I was finally confronted with nothing but uninterrupted time, it nearly killed me. I could not stand being still. I found countless little activities to fill the time. I read books, I organized my photos, I watched television. I even played video games!
Now, none of these things are bad in moderation. Some of them are even worthwhile. But the point is that I was doing them to avoid the silence. I was filling each and every moment with something, anything but time spent alone with myself and G-d. What is it about silence that's so frightening? Why is it so hard to just be still, to reflect and to listen for G-d's direction?
It could be argued that, given the fact that I was in a bit of a perscription-pain-killer induced fog, no major life decisions should have been made based on any epiphanies I might have had during that time. I'll grant that. But if I had spent even a little of that time reflecting on my life and listening for that still small voice, perhaps I would have gained some unexpected insight. The point is, I'll never know until I learn to be still.
Monday, November 7, 2011
New Year, New Me
I'm beginning to think that if everyone has one word that describes their life, my word is "transformation." It seems that I'm always in a state of flux, questioning where I am and wondering where I'm headed down life's road. Just take this blog page, for example. At a glance, it appears to have a bad case of multiple personality disorder. This blog has changed in format and content over time, just as I never seem to be able to pin down my own personality.
This used to bother me. I used to worry that I would never find myself, never be comfortable in my own skin. I'm beginning to realize, however, that perhaps change is part of my personality. I've never been someone who fit neatly into a box. My tastes in art, music and literature cover a wide range of genres, and that range is constantly growing. My friendships reflect this diversity as well, with dear friends from a broad scope of religious, ethnic and socio-economic groups. Each one of these wonderful people enriches my life in a different way. They challenge me to stretch and grow. By exposing myself to a wide variety of tastes and ideologies, I expand my understanding of the world and, ultimately, of myself.
So once again, dear friends, this blog will transform into something new and hopefully even better. You see, one advantage to being Jewish is that you get two New Years. That means I get two chances, or a span of a couple months, to make resolutions. At least you do in my mind, anyway. I've always wondered what my life would be like if I lived without worrying what other people thought of me. What decisions would I make differently? What could I accomplish? So today I officially resolve to embrace my eclectic personality and jettison my fear of failure. I hope this blog will reflect my new perspective. I plan to keep some elements of the page, and add new ones. I hope you'll join me for the ride and maybe we'll all learn something about ourselves along the way.
And just to give a little shout-out to a great place to hang out, I'm writing from a terrific little coffee shop I just discovered called The Buddha Bean Coffee and Tea Garden. Long name, nice people, great coffee. Look it up and check it out!
This used to bother me. I used to worry that I would never find myself, never be comfortable in my own skin. I'm beginning to realize, however, that perhaps change is part of my personality. I've never been someone who fit neatly into a box. My tastes in art, music and literature cover a wide range of genres, and that range is constantly growing. My friendships reflect this diversity as well, with dear friends from a broad scope of religious, ethnic and socio-economic groups. Each one of these wonderful people enriches my life in a different way. They challenge me to stretch and grow. By exposing myself to a wide variety of tastes and ideologies, I expand my understanding of the world and, ultimately, of myself.
So once again, dear friends, this blog will transform into something new and hopefully even better. You see, one advantage to being Jewish is that you get two New Years. That means I get two chances, or a span of a couple months, to make resolutions. At least you do in my mind, anyway. I've always wondered what my life would be like if I lived without worrying what other people thought of me. What decisions would I make differently? What could I accomplish? So today I officially resolve to embrace my eclectic personality and jettison my fear of failure. I hope this blog will reflect my new perspective. I plan to keep some elements of the page, and add new ones. I hope you'll join me for the ride and maybe we'll all learn something about ourselves along the way.
And just to give a little shout-out to a great place to hang out, I'm writing from a terrific little coffee shop I just discovered called The Buddha Bean Coffee and Tea Garden. Long name, nice people, great coffee. Look it up and check it out!
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